Tidings of comfort and joy? Facing the holidays after bereavement

The Beaverton Valley Times, Nov 9, 2009, Updated Nov 9, 2009

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When you’re grieving the death of a family member or friend, you may dread the holiday season. Thoughts of social gatherings, family traditions and obligations leave you anxious and overwhelmed. Your sadness can seem unbearable. You may wish you could skip these next two months and go straight to the routine of the next year. What can you do to lessen your stress and loneliness?

You can start by learning what emotions are normal and expected when facing the holidays without your loved one.

“If you’re feeling overwhelmed as this holiday season approaches, that’s very normal,” says psychologist Dr. Susan Zonnebelt-Smeenge, whose husband died. “You’re probably wondering how you’re going to handle this and are unsure of what course to take. I want to assure you that you can get through these holidays, and hopefully you can even find moments of joy.”

When you know what to expect, you won’t be rendered helpless as holiday events trigger unexpected emotions. Make a point to spend time talking with people who have experienced a past loss and have already been through a holiday season without their loved one. They can help you have an idea of typical emotions and emotional triggers to expect. These people can also provide much-needed comfort and support.

A GriefShare “Surviving the Holidays” seminar, will be held Nov. 14 in the Youth Chapel at Beaverton Foursquare Church, 13565 S.W. Walker Road, from 9 a.m. to noon. The event offers practical, actionable strategies for making it through the holiday season.

Participants will watch a video featuring advice from people in grief who’ve faced the holidays after their loss. You’ll hear insights from respected Christian counselors, pastors and psychologists. You’ll also receive a holiday survival guide with encouraging readings, helpful charts and tips to manage the holiday season during this difficult time.

At the seminar, participants will meet with other people who understand the difficulty of losing a loved one.

“When I went to GriefShare,” said Marion, “I realized there are different ways to grieve.”

To register or find out more about GriefShare “Surviving the Holidays,” please leave a message for Bonnie Mercer at 503-672-8310 or e-mail mtj@b4sq.com.